The First Time

I have been in a very hazy situation lately and it’s always been a reason for me to feel down. I’m not very used to being sad, but hey here I am feeling all a bit low. I guess it’s really because of my name you know. 🙂

Roxanne- means gloomy; dawn.

You see, it’s kinda related to how I’m feeling now. Oh well. This is becoming a journal entry now. Anyway, no one’s reading this blog spot so it’s basically okay. I just need a place to let my feelings out, without any hesitations.

Now,“First Time” Why this is the title of my entry? It is because I had this first time experience recently. About two-days ago. I have had my first “heartbreak” or so you’ll call it.

It’s not really a heartbreaking experience but my friends call it that way. So let’s have it that way. I have never been in love, (or so I believe – I haven’t been in love) this I say is not love either; but yeah its heartbreaking because a friend’s love for his friend is much more painful if it is nearly lost. If it’s in the brink of disappearance. I love all my friends and I really see to it that they feel my presence everyday. If they need my help, someone to talk to, I try all my best to give them that time. I do keep their secrets and in return they keep mine as well. It’s in this scenario that I have almost broken down lately.I’m using he/his (universal term – not really a feminist here) A friend of mine has had his share of secrets. Being his friend, I thought he’d be vocal enough to tell me this leap in his life. I wasn’t really going to be mad about it but, as the time goes by, more and more people outside our circle figures this story out and I really feel so let out. I’m really disappointed but what can I do, it’s his decision.

There, have had enough. At least I have let this out. I feel like a stupid and ignorant friend right now but it’s lifting up now, that feeling. I’ll be getting over this First-hand-first-time experience.

This is a painful time, however, I still love my friends and I would always do no matter how much and how many times they could hurt me.

-I just hope we share the same sentiments.-


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