You know what they say about our minds wandering about when we take showers? It’s true for almost everyone, myself included. We take showers everyday, it has become a routine that our mind goes off into thinking other things freely. (And quite clearly if I may say.)
Just recently, my time in the shower made this article possible: Heart on a String, I was washing my hair then, they’re brown at that time. It reminded me of a rope. I had my heart broken then, so broken I can feel it bleeding (not that my heart isn’t always bleeding, after all, it’s supposed to pump out blood). I felt like the water running down my hair was the oceans and seas, trying to wash away my pain. And my hair which I had colored quite untimely, that time was the string holding out my wounded heart in a sea of emotions. Then I thought, my heart was the bait. Oh yes, it was the bait, for all the fish in the sea. But I also thought, no, I don’t want another fish to catch that bait. I have to pull the string and save myself.
They say it’s the place and time where the toughest decisions in our lives are made. It’s true for some and I guess for me as well. That day I decided to pull the string and keep my healing heart at bay. Tonight, as I was exhausted from the heat of the day and the troubles earlier in the night, I took a bath. And I realized, that the problem I have with these emotions for someone—who for all we know (and all we don’t) doesn’t even bother about me as much as I bother about him, is nothing. Nothing compared to the problems I have faced, I am facing and will be facing in the future. I realized that I couldn’t really care less anymore.
I couldn’t care less in both its possible meaning. That I have cared so much, just so much to care less is beyond me. And that I, after caring so much have burned everything in my expense, I just couldn’t care anymore.
I’m giving myself a break.