Untitled: Entry #9

What happens when two guarded people try to break each other’s walls.

Confusion.

Misunderstanding.

A fight here and there.

They try again.

They’ll fail.

But they’ll try over and over.

Because it’s worth it.

The chance is so worth it, failing once, twice, or a million times isn’t going to be an obstacle.

Sure, they’ll get hurt.

They’ll doubt if this is worth the time.

Worth the pain.

Is it worth the struggle to let your guards down?

Is it worth the fall?

Is it worth the destruction of the wall you’ve both tried so hard to built around yourselves after being hurt?

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YES.

But you don’t need to break each other’s walls or put your guards down.

You just have to let each other in.

I won’t. No scratch that, I don’t.

I won’t understand.

I don’t understand you. No really, I don’t understand your way of thinking. Saying this and that but end up doing the opposite.

I would have understood more if you had enough grounds, a valid reason perhaps, but no there is none. Or maybe you do? Or maybe not.

I just don’t know…

Why someone should get affected by something not true… A friend of mine once said “lalo lang …….. kung magpapaapekto kayo.”

Well goodluck to this endeavor of yours.

It’s our choices that makes us.
Our actions that breaks us.

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Confunded

If there exist a wizard out there, please please lift the confundus charm you’ve cast on me…

Minsan iniisip kong nasasayang yung effort ko, kasi wala sayang talaga. Minsan naman okay lang. Minsan hindi. Minsan, alam kong alam nya ang iniimply ko, pero magulo talaga sya. Nakakalito na.

Ang daming nangyayari, ang daming factors na dapat iconsider, masakit sa ulo, dahil for one, alam kong if I push my decision through, maraming ibang bagay/tao na maaapektohan…

Hindi ko na alam.

Sumusuko na ako.

Ikaw ba alam mo?

Well siguro, oo..

Ganito ba talaga ang mga tao, mga lalaki in particular? Wala nang respeto, di na uso yung “gentleman”? Hirap ka na nga, dadagdagan pa? Naiipit ka na nga, gigipitin ka pa… Anong klase yan? 

eksena lang sa jeep

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Yet

“One liners.”

I’ve been able to get through a day talking to someone with just one liners as a reply. It made me feel sick. Or maybe I really am just sick. I don’t know. After the longest week of my life, I still haven’t given up to the calling of my bed, I still am here writing my heart out… Having no sense of direction in this post.

Maybe words aren’t enough to tell you how I feel. I am tired. I am happy. Yet I am sad.

I am a human being, I guess. I am not satisfied with what I have. But I don’t want to ask for more, yet something is pushing me to do so.

I am feeling like a load was placed into my heart. That feeling when you know you’re in a nightmare, when you want to move but you can’t? And you end up waking up, yet you wish it all ended there.

I am confused. There are some things I can’t fully decide about. At least not this time, yet I know where I want things to go.

I don’t want to end this post, yet I don’t know how else I’ll be able to write what words can not describe.

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