Untitled: Entry #11

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#Maskipaps2015

All I wanted was to see the Geminids meteor shower but it turns out, I didn’t need a shooting star. 🙂

Thank you friends for a great night. I could write about all the conversations (and you know I would) but maybe not this time.

Thank you for the bands who played last night. You guys are awesome. ♥  Autotelic, Mayonnaise, Silent Sanctuary, Franco, Urbandub and Parokya ni Edgar. And to the organizers, congratulations and thank you!

Best way to end the semester. ♥  🙂

Untitled: Entry #9

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What happens when two guarded people try to break each other’s walls.

Confusion.

Misunderstanding.

A fight here and there.

They try again.

They’ll fail.

But they’ll try over and over.

Because it’s worth it.

The chance is so worth it, failing once, twice, or a million times isn’t going to be an obstacle.

Sure, they’ll get hurt.

They’ll doubt if this is worth the time.

Worth the pain.

Is it worth the struggle to let your guards down?

Is it worth the fall?

Is it worth the destruction of the wall you’ve both tried so hard to build around yourselves after being hurt?

—–

YES.

But you don’t need to break each other’s walls or put your guards down.

You just have to let each other in.

Untitled: Entry #8

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In a world of technological advancements and the Internet age, we often find ourselves Online. And we often rely on social networking sites to have that sense of connection with someone. Yes, communication is easy nowadays. But is it really?

Tell me how many times you’ve had a misunderstanding over chat, or how many times people mistook one of your tweets, or how many times you’ve misread someone else’s Facebook status. How often have you had an argument because your words are just words when placed on a text box? So, how can we say that we’re truly connected to anyone when we may always have this rift with them because we did not fully understand them?

Being a sarcastic girl, this is an all time problem I have to face. Which is why I still favor face to face conversations. Your words are uttered with emotions. The proper emotions you want to convey. There aren’t many gray areas of what it could mean, you get exactly what it is.

Untitled: Entry #7

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I was on a jeepney ride today and I happened to sit with a nice lady on her way to work and I noticed she was wearing stockings. I know, it’s mundane and really, it’s a small thing to notice. No big deal. But then I remembered how it felt like to be bullied just because you wore stockings.

It was way back in high school. We were to perform in a school activity and I hated wearing shorts (back then) because I felt naked. But we had to, so my mom suggested that I wear stockings instead. And I did. No big deal.

But people made a huge deal out of it. People believed that I wore them to hide scars. And by scars they meant, A WHOLE LOT OF SCARS.

The entire time I felt helpless. Yes, now you may say if it’s not true you shouldn’t be affected by it. But, then how can you not be when people look at you with eyes like having scars was wrong. I don’t really know what’s wrong with that, actually. But that time those people made me believe and feel like it was.

I wasn’t hiding any scar by the way, if I was perhaps I wouldn’t be wearing shorts now. Perhaps the only scar I’m hiding right now is that scar brought about by being bullied. It sure did leave a scar on my confidence however, instead of crying over it, I kind of like used that as a mark for the battle I have won. A battle-scar that would constantly remind me that I am so much better than the rumors around me.

I know for those of us, who has been into deeper and more traumatic experiences with bullies, this may seem like an insult to the way you feel, and I respect that. I guess we all just have a different approach and different ways to deal with things, but I do think that finding strength in the things that wear you down is the best revenge you can ever get for all the things you’ve been through with your demons. Proving those bullies that you’re so much better than what they make of you (without even harming them) would be more fulfilling.

So if you’re out there, and you’ve just had the worst day because someone just bullied you; stand up, stand tall, and make yourself the best version of who you truly are. ♥

Untitled: Entry #6

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You can’t say you didn’t hurt anyone, especially after they told you that you did. You are in no position to do that. You never felt their pain, never heard their heartbeat stop at your words, and you never saw the tears they held back when you gave that hour long monologue of how stupid they were.

I know, cause I was on the other end of the line. I’ve learned this the hard way. The experience is the best teacher way. And I was wrong to tell the other person that it was okay. It wasn’t okay. I wasn’t okay. So next time someone tells you how to feel, don’t feel the way they want you to. Be responsible of what you truly feel.

Disclaimer: Stop assuming, di lahat ng bagay tungkol sa’yo.

Dear No One

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Hello. We may not have met each other yet or maybe we have. It might be on a train, a bus, in school, or in a park. You might see me yawning or staring blankly in space, or we might bump into each other and spill our favorite cups of tea (or coffee). Or it could be on a rainy day with you asking to share an umbrella cause you’re too lazy to bring your own. Or any normal day we both won’t expect.

No matter what the circumstances of our meeting will be, I just want you to know that it would be important but what’s more important are the memories we’ll both share after that.

I’ll cherish you and be proud of you. Whatever it is that you may choose to do, know that I’ll always support you. I will welcome arguments from you as long as we both learn from them. We may have a hundred reason to fight, but one reason is enough to keep us together and that reason is the genuine feeling that we share.

I want everyone to know just how much you mean to me. And let them see how much you have helped me change into the person that I am on that day. I want you to read my works because most likely they’ll be about you, mostly anything I will love noticing about you. It will be as simple as how you laugh, how you close your eyes when you tell me a story you’re passionate about, or just how your eyes shine. I want you to read them. Because as much as I can, I’ll tell you everything you need to know but there are just some things that I can’t muster to tell you personally and the only way I can ever let you know is by writing. Don’t ever take that against you though, it’s not like I can’t tell you cause I’m scared. It’s just that I can’t.

I want to share every waking hour of my life in the idea that I have someone I can be completely honest with. Someone who will see all my crazy and be fine with it. I want to take adventures with you and let the world see how together, we can be able to conquer anything. I would sail the seas with you, climb a mountain with you. I would sing you a love song and dance with you anywhere. We’ll reach for the sky or drop from it as long as we’re together. I want to be able to love you in the best way I know and be able to make you feel just how lucky we’d both be if we allowed ourselves to fall. I want to love you, only if you let me to.

In the beginning you might hear me say I’m scared. And knowing me, I’m probably extremely scared. But please don’t think that that’s because of you too. I want you to know that for you, no matter how scary, no matter how larger than life everything may be, I’ll be brave. Brave enough to be brave with you. Because deep inside I hope that what we have together will be enough to weather every storm.

I want to be able to smile at the thought of you. And revel in the feeling and knowledge that somehow your beautiful personality loves a person like me too. I want you to know that you don’t have to put up with all my crap. You can always tell me that something is wrong in my behavior. I would truly appreciate that. I want someone to be able to tell me things that I refuse to see myself and I want that someone to be you. I will never change for you though if you expect me to do so, I am telling you now; I won’t change just because you told me to. I would change if I know it’s for the better and I would give you the same right and freedom to be who you want to be. I want us to have that level of respect towards each other, a sense of respect we share with our friends and family too.

And I want you to know that while you find your way to me, I will be the best version of myself. I will aspire for my dreams and live my life to the fullest. Such that by the time we truly meet, you and I will fall in love to complete versions of ourselves.

By then, we won’t have to complete each other because we’re better than that. We’ll complement each other so well it will be unbelievable.

Lastly I want you to know that I don’t want us to live in a fairy tale. I want you to know that I know you’re not perfect. But neither am I. We’re both human and we both have flaws. And I also know that we’ll never look past those flaws. I will never tolerate anything because I don’t want to loose you. I will allow us both to grow in any way necessary, even if it has to be one of us letting go. I would put up a fight with you, break up with you if necessary because I want to grow with you and build a trust in you that I’ll know, no matter how many times we part our ways, our love will keep us coming back.

Until then, you live your life without me. Enjoy the journey and take all the time you need. I won’t be waiting because I know someday you’ll come and I won’t even have to ask why. 🙂

Untitled: Entry #5

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Every single time that I have an exam and I’m not confident about it, you show up and send a smile my way. I know, those smiles weren’t for me, but a smile is a smile and who can’t resist a smile like yours? Jk. I just want to thank you because you may not know it, but you’ve helped me greatly in both times that you, out of nowhere and quite unexpectedly lit up my gloomy exam day.

I did well the first time I saw you and I did feel like I have done great from yesterday’s exam. And I thank you for that. ♥

Thank you for the inspiration and I hope you also find someone who inspires you as much as you inspire me.

Admiring you from a distance,

Rox 🙂

Untitled: Entry #4

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Before the week ends and before I go back to studying, I just have to get this out of my head. This week has been a roller coaster ride of feelings. A lot of confusion and a whole lot of drama. It was no longer healthy for anyone. For me, it was about time to finally close a door I’ve left open for so long that mosquitoes have invaded the house and have feast on me. I felt sick.

We both tried to understand what was going on. We both failed I guess to understand what’s going on inside each other’s minds. And that’s okay.

Everything will be okay.

Maybe not today.

Not tomorrow.

But someday.

It will.